Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
