She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
