had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He felt like a one man threesome
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
