How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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