you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
