Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
