I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
