What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
