Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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