i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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