I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
