apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
