You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
