Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize