Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
