Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
