Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
