Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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