Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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