Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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