I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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