At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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