Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
