Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize