I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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