I hate all girls vehemently.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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