Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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