I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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