I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone came in the potted fern
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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