Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
