yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do herpes really smell.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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