Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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