Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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