even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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