so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
