happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
