Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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