I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
