She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize