If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
