i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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