Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
