The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
