bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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