I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize