so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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