Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
