There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My vagina is very pro this idea
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
