the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
