She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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