I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Come on in and take your pants off
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