Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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