3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
