before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
