home. puking in laundry basket.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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