watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
