If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
