She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
