I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
