I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
