My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
