when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
