I'm lost and stupid without you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
