I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
