I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
