Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was confusing and full of hummus
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's always time for handjobs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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