Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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