i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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