don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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