It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he thought i was a dude.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize