Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
