i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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