i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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